Mary Chapin Carpenter - state of the heart

What is your favourite album ever? Its a common question to ask in musical circles, and it is a very difficult one to answer correctly. Its easy to throw in answers like the White Album or a Birdy Song Megamix but to truly say what is your favourite album EVAH and not just what is the current flavour of the month takes some thought. And i have given it a lot of thought, and this is it.

So why is it so good? The songs for a start. Accomplished and polished songs like "Quitting time", "Never had it so good", "This shirt". Great song writing and great production. The more you listen to it the more you find to enjoy about the album. Especially Carpenter's voice, to this day i've yet to find a singer whose vocals i like as much. I guess it also reminds me of my late teens when i first bought the album on vinyl back in 1989. And i've loved it, and her, ever since.

Tiffany

Tiffany's debut from 1987, and a lovely pop album it was too. I never really got into Tiffany at the time, though if i had realised back then that we were almost born on the same day maybe i would (lets face it there are far dafter reasons to like a singer). Many years later Tiffany is still releasing records and i am writing this nonsense. So thats all turned out well then.

The hits are here, "I think we're alone now" and so on. They are fine if verging on cheese sometimes and over familiarity makes it hard to be objective sometimes. The best song is "Danny" which is a perfect slice of pop with some lovely melodies overlaid with Tiffany's great voice. Its unashamedly bubblegum pop but with a bit of a country underpinning and that gives the album some staying power.

Holly Knight

Multi Grammy award winning Holly Knight is best known for her songwriting, writing mega hits like "Love is a battlefield". However she was also in a couple of bands too in the 1980s: Spider and Device and also released this solo album. Its a fine collection of songs, including a rendition of "Battlefield", though "Sexy boy" is the most fun song, a very catchy and enjoyable slice of late 80s pop.

Movie : Gymkata (1985)

Its funny, i wonder why no one has ever thought of merging gymnastics and martial arts... oh wait someone has in the film Gymkata! Starring real gymnastics world champion Kurt Thomas Gymkata is listed as one of the worst movies of all times, and scores frequently in those "so so bad they are good" lists so lets give it a try...

Gymkata has a basic (and fairly ludicrous plot): an Olympic gymnastic is hired by the US secret service to win a deadly tournament in an obscure central Asian country (which is still stuck in medieval times) so the "winner's request" can be to site a missile early warning station there! Most of the film is a series of action set pieces, some of which are actually pretty good. The times where Thomas utilises "gymkata" however are hilarious and tend to rely on extremely lucky positioning of helpful props such as a pair of bars in a lunatic asylum which just happens to form the perfect pommel horse!

Although terrible on so many levels the film is of course fantastic! Its well worth seeing for many reasons including the unintentional hilarity and the performance of the King who seemed to be channelling Mel Brooks throughout.

Movie : Winner Takes All (HK 1984)

There are (according to HKMDB) 5 HK films with the English title Winner Takes All, well this is the 1984 version Yau Friend Mo Geng which also stars Alan Tang and Olivia Cheng. Its a crime revenge drama, and the kind of film only HK ever did.

The plot is fairly basic: a jewellery shop boss loses his daughter in a rather bloody manner (crushed under a Ford Cortina - well i suppose if you have to go thats a fairly cool way to go) during a robbery and then seeks revenge on the 3 men who did it. He enlists the help of a tough guy who is also after those 3 for killing his bro, nice co-incidence huh? The two allies chase the 3 hoodlums, trying to keep one step ahead of the Cops. The female cop has a rather large bust which you may notice and the film certainly does. Our hero also has a rather fine girlfriend Olivia Cheng who doesn't really affect the plot that much but does look lovely.

The shop owner ends up being a bit of a double crosser and a strange but interesting 3 way fight takes place in a shopping mall. A nonsense plot really like so many films of the period but 80s HK was cool. Some good fighting and bad acting and hot chicks. Typical early 80s HK fare!

Movie : Samurai Cop (1991)

Well you can't beat a trash movie, and Samurai Cop is really bad. A film with a budget so low the actors (if we can call them that) apparently had to wear their own clothes and drive their own cars! Samurai Cop is, as you can probably guess, one of many low-budget straight-to-video movies made in the 1980s that tried to put an American take on martial arts. In this one an American cop trained by the samurai masters is now out to defeat the Japanese gang running rampant in Los Angeles.

The film makes little sense of course but what elevates this above mere trash is the weirdness going on in nearly every (frequently blurry) scene. Set design for one, take the police chief's "office" which suspiciously looks like a caretaker's desk with a tell-tale array of keys on the wall. Or the large lion's head on the mantlepiece in one of the main character's office. The "police station" which has a hand-written sign that has "Detectives" on it.

Then there is the action, which is frequent, bloody and usually inept. The strange tangents and inconsequential characters. The odd sex scenes (lots of them too). So much in this film to ponder and gawp at, no doubt more joys/horrors would pop out at every viewing. Thats why in the list of bad/great movies, this has to be near the top. Few movies will make you laugh out loud as much, unintentionally.

Device - 22b3

The only album by 80s US rock band Device, and its really of its time, a really tasty AOR masterpiece. Chock full of 80s soft rock, big chords, big beats and bigger hair. Its really enjoyable in fact especially the ballad "Who's on the line" which is a wonderful song but others score too like the choppy "Who says" with its power rock chorus to die for and the punchy "Hanging on a heart attack".

Movie : Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

I haven't seen the first film but that doesn't matter too much as Silent Night Deadly Night 2 was made on such a low budget that a big chunk of it is a "flashback" to the first film which depicted the slaughter of a family by a murdering Santa Claus. SNDN 2 starts with the brother of the young boy survivor of the murder now a young man being interviewed by a psychologist after he had committed his own murderous crimes. He is started off by memories of his tough upbringing by nuns though trying to make sense of the nonsense being shown is probably a fairly fruitless task.

A film that is listed as one of the worst ever made SNDN 2 is of course a lot of fun, a terrible film in many ways. Its very violent, being a slasher flick, but much of the violence is so cheesily done it's more laughable than scary. Much of the film is hilarious... though not intentionally...

MV : "Addicted to love" by Ciccone Youth

Better than the original, or is it?

Movie : Master Blaster (1987)

Or... when paintball goes wrong. Yes paintball. This is a film about paintball! A group of 80s stereotypes (Vietnam vet, rednecks, troubled female cop, rich old guy, Cubans et cetera) turn up in the woods for the national paintball competition and $50K is at stake. All you have to do is avoid being shot with paint... and be murdered. Yes of course things start to go wrong when one of the competitors apparently decides to play for keeps.

Most of the action takes place in the woods, and the action is actually pretty good. The story as well is reasonable with the identity of the killer hidden until the end, and there are a few false leads to keep you interested. Ultimately its all a bit cheesy and very low budget but well worth a viewing.

Movie : Snake Eater (1989)

I am willing to bet Snake Eater, a 1989 action movie starring Lorenzo Lamas, did not see much of a cinema release. It has all the hallmarks of a good old straight to video flick, the kind of low budget nonsense that made the 80s such a "highpoint" of movie trash. The movie itself is a typical revenge movie. Lamas plays an ex-Marine and cop whose parents are killed by some backwoods inbred hicks for some reason which is never explained. Maybe they are just eeeeevil. He goes into the woods to kill the hicks and rescue his kid sister who spends most of the movie trapped in a shack being threatened with sexual violence.

Its gory and violent, Lamas himself is a rather annoying kind of hero who plays dirty. He is also supposed to be formerly of an elite US Marine unit though makes heavy weather at times dealing with the hicks. But there are moments of real hilarity, especially involving motorbikes. There is also a lot of really really bad acting.

Chas & Dave - A's, B's and buried treasure

Buried treasure from Chas & Dave? Well yes it is, especially as it includes "Melancholy baby" one of my favourite songs, an irresistable rock and roll thrash and singalong. Though thats a fairly well known song, what is maybe more interesting on this record are the more obscure and the odd. Starting with the latter well the theme tunes of the likes of Sickness and in Health and Crackerjack are on here, which are all fun.

A couple of songs which start the album with Lonnie Donegan and Clarence Henry are good old rock and roll to start a knees-up anywhere. The album closes with a few songs recorded at Sun Studios including a nice version of "Ain't no pleasing you". The album covers familiar ground and the less familiar and some of the former are not as you quite remember. A lovely collection me old china.

MV : "Das omen" by Mysterious Art

Mysterious 80s.

Movie : Leopard Fist Ninja (1982)

The funny thing about Leopard Fist Ninja is that it doesn't actually include any ninjas. Much of the film is a reasonable kung fu film set in the mysterious Chinese past... apart from the random appearance of the occasional black and white fighter. The plot is (as you might expect) a bit hard to follow though not exactly original. Japanese (who are evil of course) have invaded our heroes' land when they were children and killed their parents. Then they are sent to learn martial arts so they can avenge them. Et cetera.

Of course these films are generally not viewed for the story but for the fighting and there is a lot of it and it isn't bad. Its OK as a film though adding ninja to the title was obviously a cash in on the 80s ninja craze and seems a bit silly.

Chas & Dave - Christmas jamboree bag

Oh its a good old cockney knees up! A long medley of standards and music hall favourites, but don't recoil in horror as its all very well done and great fun. Snippets of songs like the Laughing Policeman and Knees Up Mother Brown are expertly woven by Chas & Dave to produce some great music. Its corny of course but what would be life without a good helping of cheese now and then?

As well there is a very good mini-live album of Chas & Dave's hits like the Sideboard Song (still one of the best songs there is), Rabbit and so on. And a rock and roll cover. You don't need to wait for Christmas, like turkey this is fine any time of year.

Movie : Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

A definite cult classic involving drug smuggling gangs, diamonds and a toxic snake on a small Hawaiian island. Its a strange film with masses of gratuitous nudity (the female cast need no excuse it seems to take their clothes) and violence. Its also full of oddness. The skateboard assassin scene for example, where the hoodlum tries to hide behind... a blow-up doll.

The plot is fairly basic being a standard good guys hunt the bad guys film though the addition of a toxic snake (which by the end of the film seems to gain almost magical powers) gives the film its final random twist. Its very 80s, very odd and actually very good. Well good if you like weird 80s action cheese...

Leonard Cohen - i'm your man

Leonard Cohen's 8th studio album from 1988 and at times very strange it is too, an unexpected synth heavy sound and oodles of weirdness and wonder, but that just makes it quite brilliant to be honest. The opener "First we'll take Manhattan..." is a superb slab of synth-y weirdness with added crypto-fascist imagery. Top of the oddness chart though is "Jazz police" with its chorus taken from the original Star Trek theme (or sounds like it anyway). These songs are odd but very compelling.

Then there is the beauty of "I can't forget" and "Ain't no cure for love". The lyrics are, as you would expect, first class casting an eye over the world with cynicism and mischief. Its a highly accomplished and enjoyable album. Its of its time but also timeless, a trick only someone of Cohen's stature could pull off.

The Grateful Dead - built to last

Everyone says this, the 13th and final studio album by the Grateful Dead from 1989, is not very good. Well everyone except me that is, i think its one of the best records ever recorded. I have a few 1000 albums but the only one i would run back into a burning house to save is this one (though to be honest just buying it again on Amazon would be safer).

Its sublime. Relaxed West Coast rock mixing bluesy rock with synths and electronic wizardry. Sonic adventures abound on the sprawling epic "Victim or the crime" which shows more innovation in a few asymmetric chords than most bands show in an entire career. "Picasso moon" also scores highly here, at once familiar and totally alien.

Then there is the beauty of tracks like "Standing on the moon" and "Built to last", reflective and melancholic. Its pretty much perfect, the only problem was there never was a 14th album to follow it up.

MV : "House arrest" by Krush

I know you gonna dig this.

MV : "Midnite news" by Ohama

Wicked early synths.